Posts Tagged ‘Healthy v. Unhealthy Kink’

BDS&M Episode #6: Disregarding Cybele


Auby and Preston now face the wrath of the Cybelians! Fetlife user Cybele_ has now presented a list of demands less she unleash her barbarian horde of male human toilets to do untold damage and destruction. Will our intrepid heroes escape this fate? Will they cave to Cybele’s demands? It’s hostage negotiation time with the woman who loves people to eat her poop.

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More Healthy Versus Unhealthy Kink


Wow, another one already.

This one from another guy off CollarMe, asking a pretty common question: are masochistic fantasies healthy? Especially, those in which one desires to be hurt, captured, or forced to submit? It’s a very long, individualised answer — which I rather hinted at in my brief response:

‘Great question, [name given].

Submission exists in many forms — and is as individualised as we are. The key is to understand what’s triggering the ‘submissive fantasies’. It may be a negative or abusive situation from your youth; or, conversely, you may have never experienced anything like that and be secretly curious about it. Sure, you know it’s an awful thing — to be harmed, made to suffer, and experience fear. Consciously, that is. Subconscious is a whole other ball-game, and it plays by very different rules.

Not sure how much you read from my profile, but I’m a psychosexual therapist, so this sort of speculation is my stock and trade. I’m always evaluating the presence or absence of ‘healthy’ versus ‘unhealthy’ kink — namely, that which has presented itself to you based upon negative conditioning from the past through abuse, etc. (unhealthy) from the stuff we fantasise about which comes to us from a place of curiosity about and fascination with the unknown (healthy). My favourite thing to (at least attempt) to do is transform a negatively conditioned ‘unhealthy’ kink into a positive kink experience in a safe, controlled environment. Takes work, but it’s certainly worth it.

I have a number of episodes about this very topic throughout my Podcast on iTunes, ‘Diary of a Dominatrix’. Take your pick, really, or browse the various posting through my website. It’s a hot topic; so hot, actually, that the DSM-V is actually taking such things into account regarding their ‘sexual perversions’ sections. About bloody time, too.

Hope this helps; best of luck to you.

-M Roulette Chatelaine’

What are your thoughts? Experiences? Any you’d like to share?

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Redefining Female Domination Dynamics


I can’t possibly be the only one who’s noticed that modern BDSM clearly favours the female partner — whether she be submissive or dominant. If in submission, her dominant tends to be loving, doting, and indulgent. Occasionally restrictive, if it seems to be in the submissive’s best interest. She gives over her power, just like the male submissive does, trusting and seeking to build greater intimacy with the dominant. The female submissive is rewarded for her submission, however, whereas it’s expected of the male submissive — especially if you’re dealing with a female supremacist-oriented sort of female domination dynamic. Then the male is practically treated as less than human, expected to serve without reward or gratitude, where the ultimate objective is to break down and subjugate their will. The female submissive is coddled, cherished and adored — the object of desire and affection. The male submissive is a degraded, denied, and defiled — simply regarded as an object. If anything, of contempt, or with no identity or value at all.

What kind of fuckery is this?

For one, it really does support my theory that the majority of dommes are angry feminists who have decided that men must pay — and hey, there’s a whole bunch of them out there that want this kind of abuse, so where’s the problem?

That’s the greater question. Where is the problem?

I’ll tell you one thing; when we attest that human slavery is atrocious in third world countries, but are perfectly accepting of consensual slavery without even examining its roots — Houston, we have a big problem. (more…)

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Femdom Counseling Reflections: Unhealthy Kink Link: Part I, Childhood Sexual Abuse


As disjointed and off-the-cuff as the first one was, it seems the audio blog was still a hit. Now, I’m never undeservedly cruel, so we tossed yet another one together for you. A bit more organised this time, though, no tin inpunded, we’re still working out the kinks regarding format, content, even recording length.

So, as before — thoughts, suggestions, comments, all kinds of feedback are welcome. Just remember what it is; amateur at best right now, with fairly decent equipment.

Again, this one contains a bit of a theme; I go into greater detail regarding my work as a femdom counselor (formerly referred to as ‘domination therapist’) as well as make mention of April being Child Sexual Abuse Awareness month. Of course, it seems no podcast would be complete without a few BMF bits.


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Elise Sutton: ‘Freudian’ Femdom Fraud


Elise Sutton's Femdom Experience CoverJesus. This bitch can’t tell her id from her death instinct, and her website clearly needs to be put out of its misery. But let’s begin at the beginning, shall we?

So, here I am, wandering the web minding my own beeswax, when — lo and behold — I find yet another site on Female Supremacy. (Always in caps, mind. Forget proper sentence construction or grammatical correctness.) Fantastic. As if wasn’t enough of a blight on the whole of femdom, (plenty more on the madness of Mystress to come), now I’ve discovered Elise Sutton — who, evidently, has been around for a hell of a lot longer than a quack like her ever needed to be. Not to mention her ‘Psychoanalysis of the Submissive Male’ is inherently flawed on the basis alone of containing absolutely no psychoanalysis whatsoever. Can you do that? Write a piece about violins and title it: ‘A Theory of Baseball’? I was under the impression that it was faulty — not to mention just flat dumb. Of course, anyone with an actual degree in Psychology, (yours truly) can tell after 5 agonising seconds on this wacko’s website that this woman wouldn’t know an unconditioned stimulus if it bit her in her female supremacist ass.

For those of you who have not studied in the field of Psychology, psychoanalysis is very specific to the theories and practises first introduced by Freud — who very heavily believed in male supremacy based off of biology alone. Oh, I’m all for turning a field on its head and flipping it about. But you first have to have some idea of what you’re seeking to challenge. You want to break psychodynamic theory? Okay, then first, you need to learn it. Which, clearly, this cuckoo hasn’t.

This is not a difficult concept to grasp. (more…)

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Diary of a Dominatrix #1: Hello World


The very first entry in the Diary of a Dominatrix Series, Mistress Roulette describes her dissatisfaction with her job as a phone domme and the clientele she is attracting.

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Download Diary of a Dominatrix #1: Hello World