Last night was the first night of teasing in our new chastity regimen. It leads to strange sensations that remind me of unhappier times in my life. The teasing fills me with an intense but unrequited desire for release. Ordinary things about my lover seem to take on new meaning- the fall of her breasts, the shape of her hips, the line of her jaw- all seem somehow more erotic and (particularly) powerful. I often murmur to her that, “I want you.”

Last night she replied with, “I’m right here.” Which, of course, doesn’t really help me because my desire is more specific.

Really what I’m saying is that “I desire to use you to achieve a form or release that will bring us closeness and a sense of fulfillment.” And what she’s telling me, often specifically, is that she’s available to hold me, but has no desire to bring a premature end to our experiment in chastity.

It reminds me of getting my heart broken. (more…)