Posts Tagged ‘Female Domination Dynamics’

Post Tease and Denial Interview

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For those of you who might be interested, Mistress Roulette and I recorded an interview immediately after we filmed the Tease and Denial scene whereby she tied me up, teased my cock, fucked me with her strap-on, and would not let me come.

It was quite an intense scene, which you can view here if you’d like. Here’s the free Youtube interview.

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Diary of a Dominatrix#23: Mister P’s Gay Admirer

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Mister P and Mistress Roulette discuss yet another trip to Las Vegas, that had an unexpected twist from one of Mister P’s male friends.

Diary of a Dominatrix#23: Mister P’s Gay Admirer

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Redefining Female Domination Dynamics

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I can’t possibly be the only one who’s noticed that modern BDSM clearly favours the female partner — whether she be submissive or dominant. If in submission, her dominant tends to be loving, doting, and indulgent. Occasionally restrictive, if it seems to be in the submissive’s best interest. She gives over her power, just like the male submissive does, trusting and seeking to build greater intimacy with the dominant. The female submissive is rewarded for her submission, however, whereas it’s expected of the male submissive — especially if you’re dealing with a female supremacist-oriented sort of female domination dynamic. Then the male is practically treated as less than human, expected to serve without reward or gratitude, where the ultimate objective is to break down and subjugate their will. The female submissive is coddled, cherished and adored — the object of desire and affection. The male submissive is a degraded, denied, and defiled — simply regarded as an object. If anything, of contempt, or with no identity or value at all.

What kind of fuckery is this?

For one, it really does support my theory that the majority of dommes are angry feminists who have decided that men must pay — and hey, there’s a whole bunch of them out there that want this kind of abuse, so where’s the problem?

That’s the greater question. Where is the problem?

I’ll tell you one thing; when we attest that human slavery is atrocious in third world countries, but are perfectly accepting of consensual slavery without even examining its roots — Houston, we have a big problem. (more…)

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The (Hard) Truth About Femdom Relationships

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As the great femdom validity experiment continues, (more like meanders underneath everything else, but hey,) more still becomes apparent; in part, a byproduct of our environment. While female-led relationships aren’t quite what one would call common, they are moreso in the kinky subculture. But even still, not 24/7. That was something I specifically wanted to explore as part of the greater experiment as a whole. While it’s ongoing, I have a few findings — which likely won’t be encouraging for some.

In short, total-power-exchange relationships don’t work.

Now anyone who grew up in a female-led household (such as myself) is going to balk at that and remain sceptical. I was, too. But remember, this isn’t just about what’s possible — it’s also about what’s healthy. Regardless of sex or gender, a total power exchange relationship quickly becomes fertile ground for abuse. That understanding lies in the very foundation of what makes one mature versus immature. Most traits and behaviours can be classified according to whether they are synonymous with adult accountability or juvenile dependency. Paradoxically, the stereotypical female dominant expresses more juvenile-dependent traits and behaviours — rivalling those of most children! Self-entitlement, required assistance, no accountability, emotional manipulation to have own way, irresponsibility, recklessness, enablement, ignoring social etiquette, self-centredness, arrogance, refusal to share or compromise, use of others’ resources, and dependent upon another for most things.

It really baffled me. Conceptually, the female dominant is in charge, which allows the male submissive to be youthful, child-like and at her mercy. But in reality, practical application seems to fly in the face of theory and the abstract representation of what femdom should be. Over time, it becomes perplexing — and misleading — as to just what real femdom is — or even should be. If the male subs are the ones doing all of the work, providing a framework in which the domme can even function, then the members of that dynamic are seriously fooling themselves as to which direction the power is flowing.

To further my point, a bit of developmental psychology. And a lot of metaphor. Of course, to avoid it being too dry, there will be pirates. (You like pirates, right? Who doesn’t like pirates?) (more…)

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What’s love got to do with it? … Absolutely everything.

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It’s a lovely afternoon in Southern California, especially Los Angeles at the Hilton just off the international airport. Dommes of all shape and size are sitting down to tea served by devoted submissive men at the 5th annual DomCon LA’s official Mistresses Tea event. Some of us are professional, others are strictly lifestyle. We all have one thing in common, though: navigating the ever-changing climate of the kinky subculture and taking refuge in a sisterhood that continues to grow through such events, bridging the gap of nationality and geography alike. A commonality we don’t share is the constant tightrope walk in which a dominatrix (that is, a pro-domme) has to walk. One such very experienced lifestyler left us all with a nugget of wisdom after witnessing such acrobatics throughout her lifetime in the scene by the simple phrase: ‘I couldn’t do it.’ The struggle to maintain the line between professional and private — social and commercial, client and companionship — was just too difficult. In that regard, she stated quite confidently that lifestylers have it easy. Thinking back on my own years as a lifestyler, (8 years total, as of this year, for the curious) I couldn’t help but agree that she had a point.

It’s not easy.

I also marvel at some days when I wake up and think how the hell I even got here. When I was a little girl, I dreamt of being all kinds of things: Vampire Queenes, powerful sorceresses weaving spells under whom many a hapless prince fell before long, daring super-spies — capable of death-defying feats, but their ultrapowers of seduction being the best weapon in their arsenal; when I got a bit older and decided I still liked the foreign (or domestic) intelligence agent / investigator route, I figured I could satisfy the other cravings by simply taking the stage and being an actress. I subsequently spent several years there in theatre, but really longed to run the show myself: writing, directing, producing, and performing — the whole nine yards. That became a goal I’ve yet to solidly keep on the back-burner. No matter how I try, it’s always coming back to the forefront — as deep passions tend to do. So, how does a retail wench, office coordinator, administrative assistant, service industry professional — none of which ever really utilise her education in Psychology — and especially not Forensic Psychology — end up a dominatrix? Well, not that dramatically, to be honest. Combine a down economy with a move to a bustling new city full of an entirely different demographic, add more than a sprinkle of distaste for being anyone’s employee, a dash of the thrill of self-employment, heat on high with a strong business model — and away you go! Viola! Dominatrix a la mode. (Though, if you really want to hear something funny, ask me or headslave about ‘dildo stew.’)

Which brings us to … headslave. (more…)

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