Posts Tagged ‘Emotional Masochism’

Diary of a Dominatrix #25: The Breaking of Mister P

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Ash Camerazi returns to join Mistress Roulette and Mister P discuss their new pornographic videos they have just produced. Ash quickly becomes fascinated with the discussion of chastity play and the darker side of kinky desires and Mistress Roulette reveals that a new short term goal of her’s… the emotional breakdown of Mister P.

Diary of a Dominatrix #25: The Breaking of Mister P

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Deliberate Manipulations

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When my boyfriend, Mr. P, told me a couple of days into our most recent experiment with chastity that if I didn’t do the scene soon, he’d start deliberately picking fights and creating disharmony in our usually level and very rarely rocky relationship, I took heed. Within seconds, I could feel the control being silently taken from me; the pressure of having to perform starting to bear down. If my emotions didn’t ebb and flow to the same rhythm as his need for abuse, then he was going to actively bring it out of me — even if not necessarily consciously. It was an important piece of honesty, which I praised him for, and appreciated his expressing it to me. But it didn’t lessen my predicament in any way.

See, I wasn’t ready yet. Not nearly. My head was swimming with intriguing and intense behavioural modification methodology, since part of the grand scheme is learning to transform some facets of our darker natures into that which can be better integrated into our base personalities. Namely, his, since mine can be expressed through my fiction, or even being particularly forceful in my demeanour. His, however, needs direct, merciless abuse.

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to abuse the one you love? More so, if you have been abused by people who, at points of your life, have claimed to love you?

Talk about a mindfuck. (more…)

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The Hunger for Abuse

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Roulette and I have discussed this, but, as my period of chastity starts to take hold, I begin to crave abuse. There seem to be two sides to my personality: the first is a rational person who is constantly trying to stay in control; the other is an emotional masochist who craves the kind of emotional abuse that prolonged chastity, tease and denial, and physical pain can bring about.

I had a bad run at poker today. Not terrible, but sometimes it gets frustrating. When I come home from that I want to put it behind me and forget. Combine that with the chastity my Mistress has placed me under and suddenly the abuse gremlin wants out. I find myself wanting to pick a fight so that I can get punished. It’s not that I find any solace in punishment, it’s just that I want an intense experience to take my mind out of where it’s currently at. Or perhaps, a catharsis.

My current frustration is a 3. My arousal is a 3.

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MR’s Diary of a Dominatrix Podcast: #4 – ‘Adventures in Chastity’

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It’s been a while since we’ve published one of Mistress Roulette’s podcasts, and a lot of our friends has asked if we’d given up on them. Far from it, I had made a significant investment in some very expensive audio mixing equipment and two rather expensive microphones. Sadly, that equipment just collected dust for a few months, but no more.

Mistress Roulette has recently teamed with myself and local figure in the Los Angeles kinky scene, Master No One, to record not one but two podcasts. The first is on chastity play, and is available now for your listening pleasure. The second will be up next week, so be patient.

Spin of the Wheel, Part 4

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