Archive for the ‘Professional Domination’ Category

So … You Wanna Date a Domme?

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First off, a word about ‘alpha females‘; before diving into a subject, you need to know the vernacular.

I see this one a lot: on various websites of professional dommes — as well as Animal Planet. It seems like a strong means of advertising. It’s when they claim that it’s actuality — a component of their everyday existence — that I find myself … less than accepting.

So, I ask myself: how many of these ‘alpha females’ are actually dominant women? Plenty — and I mean, plenty — of pro-dommes are submissive in their personal life. (Why? Because there’s money in femdom for those enterprising beautiful people who are savvy enough to play a role 24/7 and not lose themselves.) Knowing this simple fact, however, I find myself always just a bit suspicious of those websites which tout such a thing to be the way it actually is.

One reason I love to get to know pro-dommes; I get to see beneath the veneer, and meet the actual woman. Sometimes, it’s a match. But most of the time — they’re just regular gals with an atypical job. They laugh, cry, fret over whether a guy they’re into will ever call them back, wonder and worry if they said something stupid to a girl-friend, bitch about their periods, and spend hours on the phone.

Because we’re women. Not automatons. Not weapons of feminine destruction. (For the most part.) And if you are, well, you didn’t get there through being a pro-domme. That’s just smoke-and-mirrors. That is the wizardress, my friends. Go take a peek behind the curtain and then let me know what you find.

I’m not saying alpha females aren’t in existence — there are a number of them; some of which I know personally. There are plenty of queenly women, too — who believe the world should bow down to them; that they shouldn’t have to work, to earn her achievements. That everything should be offered on a silver platter. Yeah. I know a few of those, too. (Though, I tend not to associate with them).

And, yeah, they tend to be beautiful. They tend to be from lots of money, have men falling at their feet, being given everything without asking for it, and taught to believe this is really the way it’s supposed to be. I know, because that’s how my mother was brought up — by my narcissistic beauty-queen grandmother who had celebrity boyfriends through most of her youth.

That’s why I laugh at a lot of pro-domme sites, and, often-times until I get to know them, the pro-domme they represent. Really? Do they really believe that shit? It’s like having an actor arrive for an audition fully-in and not at all breaking character — for even a second. You get lost after awhile — wondering if this is just them — their actual persona, or if they’re putting it on for the purpose of the audition. And the very good ones can fool you quite well.

Most pro-dommes are that: actresses. They know it, I know it. What gets me is that the men who so desperately want to believe — with a conviction more passionate than that of Fox Mulder — somehow can’t. But, hey, we believe what we want to. And in their case — they want to believe that these bitches really are the fucking rulers of the known universe … in their own minds, at least.

Sigh.

Ah, but all is not lost.

(more…)

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The Price of Beauty: Exploring Financial Domination Dynamics

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“Hey you, what do you see? Something beautiful, something free? Hey, you, are you trying to be mean?” – Marilyn Manson; ‘The Beautiful People’

NiteFlirt is an education. But I don’t have time to relay everything, so here are the Cliff notes.

All of these women with lens-flare tits and sparkle-cunts designed to entice men to engage them in phone sex — usually for large amounts of money, though, not always in the category of Financial Domination. Of course, I receive these calls myself at times, being a psychosexual counselor and dominatrix. It never ceases to fascinate me how much time, effort, and cold, hard-earned cash, these guys are willing to blow on these spoiled brats.

Now, being a writer of transgressional fiction, I’m always challenging normatives and established idealogies. I also avoid the good guys versus bad guys cliche; my protagonists tend to be anti-heroes (and heroines) and reformed villains. My actual villains are never so black and white. All characters are shades of grey. But something stood out to me very quickly throughout my earliest investigations into characterisation:

Sexual attraction has no moral compass. None. Zero, zilcho.

This is largely why it’s tough to distinguish the stereotypical idea of a dominatrix from a fictitious villainness. They’re all voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous, powerful, cruel, and hell-bent on destroying the hero. And, okay, I’m far from a psychoanalyst, (read: neo-Freudian) but if the hero’s hot, and the villainness is hot, those two are definitely going to want to be getting it on. Why? Because that’s just the nature of things. It’s very basic social and interpersonal psychological theory: those who are of acceptable (though, that’s variable) age, desired sex and gender, differing bloodlines, and of relative physical attractiveness (especially if the levels of physical desireability are closely in line; just as you tend to see long-term coupling between those who are about as ‘attractive’ as the other) are highly likely to experience sexual attraction to one another. (more…)

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Chaste Not, Want Not

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Like many others, I hate assholes. I’m an enforcer, or ‘punisher’ personality, as they say, so I’ve come to terms with my own driving inclination, and at times, need, to take vigilante action against those I’ve perceived ‘doing wrong’ according to my own subjective morality. (That’s a crucial element, incidentally.) Of course, this was more of an issue in my adolescence. Eventually, I grew up; in doing so, I learned that there’s a time and place for everything, and as much as I’d love to don skin-tight latex and set about punishing all of those men in the world that deserve it ( … hey, wait a minute … ) I have to accept that this is neither sane nor very feasible. (Though, what woman doesn’t occasionally fantasise about being a dominatrix superhero? I mean, I know I’m not alone in this.) All jesting aside, there are those less evolved and immature enforcer types who’ve not yet gotten the memo. Recently, I had the (mis)fortune of briefly working with of them.

Now, I may be opportunistic when it comes to flexing my own punisher-muscle, but I’m hardly petty. So, names will be ommitted to protect the guilty. (The very, very guilty.)

Our story begins on a typical day — of course, for a pro-domme, that could be anything. He contacted me in the usual way, and I gave the benefit of the doubt, despite such fantastical nature of his claims. Plus, it’s always a bonus when they can spell correctly and utilise proper grammar. (Of course, so could Ted Bundy. Moving on.) Well, I was intrigued, although I can’t say I really wanted to work with him. Something felt … off. So much so that I contacted a friend of mine, the lovely Guinevere the Severe out of NYC, who heard my concerns and gave wonderful advice which supported my own suspicions: it really didn’t matter what everything else seemed; if I felt even the slightest bit off, it was hardly worth the money from the business transaction.

So, I kept that in mind and proceeded with caution. (more…)

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Mystressworld is Revealed as a Scam

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Mistress Roulette and I knew this was a scam from the get-go, but here’s a post from a Mystressworld insider revealing that the website had no intention of ever matching submissive men to dominant women. Instead, it was just looking to cash in on the fantasy. I’ve very proud of the controversial stance that Mistress Roulette took. It always feels good to be vindicated.

What follows is the entire text of what this Mistress wrote for those who want to read it. (more…)

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What’s love got to do with it? … Absolutely everything.

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It’s a lovely afternoon in Southern California, especially Los Angeles at the Hilton just off the international airport. Dommes of all shape and size are sitting down to tea served by devoted submissive men at the 5th annual DomCon LA’s official Mistresses Tea event. Some of us are professional, others are strictly lifestyle. We all have one thing in common, though: navigating the ever-changing climate of the kinky subculture and taking refuge in a sisterhood that continues to grow through such events, bridging the gap of nationality and geography alike. A commonality we don’t share is the constant tightrope walk in which a dominatrix (that is, a pro-domme) has to walk. One such very experienced lifestyler left us all with a nugget of wisdom after witnessing such acrobatics throughout her lifetime in the scene by the simple phrase: ‘I couldn’t do it.’ The struggle to maintain the line between professional and private — social and commercial, client and companionship — was just too difficult. In that regard, she stated quite confidently that lifestylers have it easy. Thinking back on my own years as a lifestyler, (8 years total, as of this year, for the curious) I couldn’t help but agree that she had a point.

It’s not easy.

I also marvel at some days when I wake up and think how the hell I even got here. When I was a little girl, I dreamt of being all kinds of things: Vampire Queenes, powerful sorceresses weaving spells under whom many a hapless prince fell before long, daring super-spies — capable of death-defying feats, but their ultrapowers of seduction being the best weapon in their arsenal; when I got a bit older and decided I still liked the foreign (or domestic) intelligence agent / investigator route, I figured I could satisfy the other cravings by simply taking the stage and being an actress. I subsequently spent several years there in theatre, but really longed to run the show myself: writing, directing, producing, and performing — the whole nine yards. That became a goal I’ve yet to solidly keep on the back-burner. No matter how I try, it’s always coming back to the forefront — as deep passions tend to do. So, how does a retail wench, office coordinator, administrative assistant, service industry professional — none of which ever really utilise her education in Psychology — and especially not Forensic Psychology — end up a dominatrix? Well, not that dramatically, to be honest. Combine a down economy with a move to a bustling new city full of an entirely different demographic, add more than a sprinkle of distaste for being anyone’s employee, a dash of the thrill of self-employment, heat on high with a strong business model — and away you go! Viola! Dominatrix a la mode. (Though, if you really want to hear something funny, ask me or headslave about ‘dildo stew.’)

Which brings us to … headslave. (more…)

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Greetings, from DomConLA!

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As my clients are already aware, I’ve been spending my time this week at DomConLA, making my scheduling availability a bit wonky. But rest assured — I’ll be back soon with all sorts of neat new tricks and tactics!

I’ve never been to such an industry-oriented conference prior to this one, and so far, it’s been amazing. I’ve met some of the most incredible professional Dominas there, with tonnes of experience in the biz, and a huge following in their own right. It’s encouraging, charming, and a little dazzling for someone such as myself who’s been in the lifestyle for quite some time, and only recently broken into the business. Their advice, guidance, and even friendship, has been absolutely wonderful, and I can’t wait to spend more time with them while they’re in town, before we all resume life as usual, back in our own corners of the world.

Nothing as of yet truly newsworthy, but we’re just getting started. The seminar and convention hall hours are one thing, but after that … everybody’s in the mood to play. Oh, and believe me — with an entire floor full of Dominas and eager subs and slaves, there’s little else anyone wants to do! More on that to come, trust me … (more…)

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