Roulette and I have discussed this, but, as my period of chastity starts to take hold, I begin to crave abuse. There seem to be two sides to my personality: the first is a rational person who is constantly trying to stay in control; the other is an emotional masochist who craves the kind of emotional abuse that prolonged chastity, tease and denial, and physical pain can bring about.

I had a bad run at poker today. Not terrible, but sometimes it gets frustrating. When I come home from that I want to put it behind me and forget. Combine that with the chastity my Mistress has placed me under and suddenly the abuse gremlin wants out. I find myself wanting to pick a fight so that I can get punished. It’s not that I find any solace in punishment, it’s just that I want an intense experience to take my mind out of where it’s currently at. Or perhaps, a catharsis.

My current frustration is a 3. My arousal is a 3.

As you can imagine, in a relationship between a professional poker player and a dominatrix who are madly in love, a lot of time will be spent with each other. Since we both have flexible jobs that don’t demand that we be anywhere at any particular time, we would often find occasions to spend lots of time together rather than each spending time pursuing our prospective professions. It is both the blessing and the curse of unstructured professions that you can do it whenever you want her, and lovers can often find occasions to do each other instead of their work.

But all that’s starting to change now. I’ve gotten a regular job… as a professional poker player. As strange as it may seem, a casino where I would frequently play has decided to employ me there to play poker and pay me $25 an hour. That would be in addition to the money I win, which makes it closer to $40 an hour or so. The money was too good for me to pass up, so it’s off to work I go. If you can call it that.

But the prospect of spending far more time apart from each other every week was going to present a challenge to the two of us who had grown so used to spending so much time together. So my mistress decided that we would use chastity play to help increase the intensity of the time we did spend together. Of course, the fact that she just finished a book on male chastity might have had something to do with influencing her decision. No matter, she is correct. Chastity play will help to focus a real intensity in the time we spend together.

As part of the exercises of the book, she wanted me to keep a journal here of my feelings. According to the book, it will help her know how I am moving through the eroticism, past the frustration, and into developing an even closer bond as I learn to focus my energy. I have no idea if she is right, but I am hopeful. Currently, on a scale of 1 to 5, I would have to rate my arousal at a 3 and my frustration at a 2. I feel good and am looking forward to going to “work” and taking people’s money.

I’ll keep everyone posted as my state progresses.

We’ve all got our kinks. I enjoy it when a woman straps on a large cock and fucks me in the ass. I’ve never thought it was normal, and I do feel ashamed of my needs from time to time. The shame hasn’t lessened my desire for this form of submission.  I’ve always known I needed it. Ever since I first experienced it.

My first time was actually not my idea. My college girlfriend and I were experimenting with BDSM and she found she enjoyed the dominant role. After we graduated from college we ended up moving to different cities. We tried to make it work, but the distance was forcing us apart. She suggested to me that I submit to strap-on play so that she could demonstrate to me to whom I belonged. I agreed to try it. She scheduled a flight to come visit me and I visited the sex toy store to buy the instrument of my eventual defilement.

The two-week period I had to wait for her visit was filled with fear and doubt. I was focused on two main questions: how much would it hurt, and would it make me gay. The night of my deflowering had the tell-tale passion, awkwardness and pain that is associated with most women losing their virginity. She put me on all fours, tied my arms and legs to the bed frame, put on her cock, and moved behind me.

She took me slowly. She pressed the head of her phallus against the tight ring of my asshole, and proceeded to ease it back and forth. (more…)