Archive for the ‘Letters and Messages’ Category

An Open Letter To Ashley Madison

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Greetings, my dear readership, friends et al.

Well, this month has certainly proved an interesting one. I was sifting through some old articles and things on my G-Docs and came across something of which I was particularly proud. I had something of an activist streak throughout my years on this blue ball — waxing, and waning. It’s not gone completely, but when nothing ever really comes of the work … well, y’know. You lose heart.

I wish I could say something came of this, but, naturally, it didn’t. I was tempted to send it to the Stern show — from where I originally heard the adverts — but it seemed also a needless sort of venture. So, here it remains in my keep; and now, for your eyes, too. Written about two years past, with a lot of fire and hope that it might do something. (For those unaware, Ashley Madison is a service that is deliberately designated to find unhappy spouses extra-marital partners. You can hazard to guess that went over so well with me …  .)

Without further ado …

‘An Open Letter To Ashley Madison’,

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More Healthy Versus Unhealthy Kink

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Wow, another one already.

This one from another guy off CollarMe, asking a pretty common question: are masochistic fantasies healthy? Especially, those in which one desires to be hurt, captured, or forced to submit? It’s a very long, individualised answer — which I rather hinted at in my brief response:

‘Great question, [name given].

Submission exists in many forms — and is as individualised as we are. The key is to understand what’s triggering the ‘submissive fantasies’. It may be a negative or abusive situation from your youth; or, conversely, you may have never experienced anything like that and be secretly curious about it. Sure, you know it’s an awful thing — to be harmed, made to suffer, and experience fear. Consciously, that is. Subconscious is a whole other ball-game, and it plays by very different rules.

Not sure how much you read from my profile, but I’m a psychosexual therapist, so this sort of speculation is my stock and trade. I’m always evaluating the presence or absence of ‘healthy’ versus ‘unhealthy’ kink — namely, that which has presented itself to you based upon negative conditioning from the past through abuse, etc. (unhealthy) from the stuff we fantasise about which comes to us from a place of curiosity about and fascination with the unknown (healthy). My favourite thing to (at least attempt) to do is transform a negatively conditioned ‘unhealthy’ kink into a positive kink experience in a safe, controlled environment. Takes work, but it’s certainly worth it.

I have a number of episodes about this very topic throughout my Podcast on iTunes, ‘Diary of a Dominatrix’. Take your pick, really, or browse the various posting through my website. It’s a hot topic; so hot, actually, that the DSM-V is actually taking such things into account regarding their ‘sexual perversions’ sections. About bloody time, too.

Hope this helps; best of luck to you.

-M Roulette Chatelaine’

What are your thoughts? Experiences? Any you’d like to share?

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