Archive for the ‘Sexual Psychology’ Category

BDS&Marriage Episode #4: What to Expect When Your Wife Loves Another Man

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In this episode, Auby is upset because of how Preston characterized her relationship with the comedian way back in Episode 1. She expressed her displeasure with his tendency to mock her desires to have passionate sex with another man. They then have a frank and very heart-felt discussion about how they really feel.

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BDS&Marriage Episode#1: Introductory Cuckolding 101

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Allen, (Fetlife user akm3) long-time ‘DoaD’ podcast listener, joins us to kick off the rebranded ‘BDS&Marriage’.

Among the highlights, the former Mistress Roulette (actually Aubianne) struggles with a complicated predicament: having feelings for a man that’s been in her life for several years – and isn’t her husband, Mr P / Preston.

She also recalls her first experiences with what can be argued as polyamoury, but seems more akin to accidental cuckoldry; specifically, her college relationships.

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Q&A #1 – Do Women Actually Enjoy Dominating Men?

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This one comes from my YouTube channel where I’ll often receive questions on a variety of subjects relating to femdom. Sadly, I can’t often get to them in any sort of reasonable time-frame, so I’ve taken to answering them here and sending a link to the individual making the enquiry. So. Onward.

This comes from Germanic, Lovecraftian, ‘satanic murder artist’ ( — I don’t make this shit up) Stein und Stahl Productions:

Hi there. I saw some of your videos and I just wanted to ask you, do any women actually enjoy dominating men, or is this all just for entertainment? Based on all of my experiences, and what I’ve read, it seems like most females are naturally submissive. That’s not to say that there are no exceptions, but it’s hard to believe women would like using your type of therapy or want to stay with their man after dominating him.

Please don’t take this as flamebait, as I’m honestly curious about this and am willing to admit that I’m still learning about the female psyche. I guess what I’m most curious about is, how many women actually get aroused, or in anyway enjoy, dominating a man? Please write back, thanks. ‘

Good question, actually. (I appreciated the clarification that he wasn’t looking to start a flame war, too. It’s hard to tell sometimes.)

 

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Control

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As some of you know, I love to sing. Occasionally, I’ll share some of them with my Podcast listeners, but I try to keep that pretty strictly about D/s — or, if someone requests — my artistic projects. (I’ve not forgotten you, Arnaut!)

But every now and again, something comes along that magically incorporates everything. Ladies and gents, Laura Branigan’s 1984 ‘banned-in-Boston’ music video, ‘Self Control’.

Okay, yeah, so, I know what you’re thinking: is that the Phantom of the Opera? Why is he here? And, OH, MY GOD, DID HE JUST … ?

Yes. Yes, he did. (And for you lazy asses who have NO idea what’s going on there, WATCH THE FRICKIN’ VIDEO.)

(more…)

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Let’s Talk About Sex (Part I)

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Sex.

Man. The power it holds over us human beings is pretty phenomenal, isn’t it? While it has a greater physical impact upon men, it has an equally emotional one on the fairer sex (and, of course, some men as well). So the intensity, and the need, is quite equivalent, but expressed very differently — and with enough overlap to create the dance between the sexes we all know well. The truth is, there’s a lot of research that says we’re basically serial monogamists as a species; while some of us can certainly hack forever, we may not be expected to do so consistently.

And, yep, that means just what you think it does: when she’d rather read, and you’d like to … erm, ‘make use’ of your own ‘reading material’ — it doesn’t mean the honeymoon’s over completely and eternally — but the infatuation is. While it’s a rather sad thing to mourn, and I’m happier in general knowing that my fiance’s orgasms are under my control, these blips on the sex-dar are pretty normal — and very human.

Once you’ve come to accept that, what the hell do you do? It’s tricky, honestly, because what I’m about to tell you proves a real test for most couples, and explains a good portion of the rising divorce rate over the last 30 years. When both partners decide against ‘forcing’ the sexual chemistry back into their relationship, they tend to ‘let each other be’ — sometimes entering a no-sex spiral that lasts for months. Or years. What began, ‘Not tonight, honey. I really want / need / have to X, Y, or Z,’ became a lower expectation of sexual interest, which then became a decreased need, and the forming of a habit and entirely different dimension of the prior sexual relationship. This is typically how, and why, couples that were once engaging in a healthy, active sexual relationship have managed to dry up and go celibate for years.

So, what the fuck happened? A number of things. Habits are tough to break, and a respite does not equal a permanent sexual lull. There are a lot of dependent factors, but also some ways to avoid the major pitfalls — if you know what to look for and have genuine compatibility.

Hmm. Speaking of lulls and genuine compatibility, my fiance’s getting home soon. While I feel this is no doubt a very important post to be making, I think it’ll have to wait.

Keep your eyes peeled. And in the meanwhile, ask questions. You know I love those.

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More Healthy Versus Unhealthy Kink

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Wow, another one already.

This one from another guy off CollarMe, asking a pretty common question: are masochistic fantasies healthy? Especially, those in which one desires to be hurt, captured, or forced to submit? It’s a very long, individualised answer — which I rather hinted at in my brief response:

‘Great question, [name given].

Submission exists in many forms — and is as individualised as we are. The key is to understand what’s triggering the ‘submissive fantasies’. It may be a negative or abusive situation from your youth; or, conversely, you may have never experienced anything like that and be secretly curious about it. Sure, you know it’s an awful thing — to be harmed, made to suffer, and experience fear. Consciously, that is. Subconscious is a whole other ball-game, and it plays by very different rules.

Not sure how much you read from my profile, but I’m a psychosexual therapist, so this sort of speculation is my stock and trade. I’m always evaluating the presence or absence of ‘healthy’ versus ‘unhealthy’ kink — namely, that which has presented itself to you based upon negative conditioning from the past through abuse, etc. (unhealthy) from the stuff we fantasise about which comes to us from a place of curiosity about and fascination with the unknown (healthy). My favourite thing to (at least attempt) to do is transform a negatively conditioned ‘unhealthy’ kink into a positive kink experience in a safe, controlled environment. Takes work, but it’s certainly worth it.

I have a number of episodes about this very topic throughout my Podcast on iTunes, ‘Diary of a Dominatrix’. Take your pick, really, or browse the various posting through my website. It’s a hot topic; so hot, actually, that the DSM-V is actually taking such things into account regarding their ‘sexual perversions’ sections. About bloody time, too.

Hope this helps; best of luck to you.

-M Roulette Chatelaine’

What are your thoughts? Experiences? Any you’d like to share?

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I Only Have Eyes For You … Not!

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Think your man wants to fuck you and only you? That no matter how devoted to you, how submissive he is, how much of a true slave he is to you, that yours is the only pussy he wants?

Think again.

So, it’s been an interesting day, to say the least. After a particularly insightful discussion with an old friend about a surprisingly common problem, Mister P and I decided to Podcast on the timeless battle of the sexes; more specifically, sexuality.

His take on it is not something with which I’ve been unfamiliar — but no less find troubling. See, he always wants a new partner. Regardless of what’s going on around him, if there’s new pussy to be had, by God, he wants it! He says all men are oriented this way due to pure biology. Now, the reasons why he doesn’t go out and fulfill those apparently natural drives and instincts is due to the consequences it would involve.

Women, on the other hand, don’t crave strange cock — most of the time. We can be satisfied with the cock we know gets the job done; especially if it happens to be attached to a dear friend of ours, and someone we have a great affection for. This doesn’t factor in with men, and quite frankly, they don’t get this about us. Meanwhile, the knowledge that they’re always imagining and desiring a new sex partner — which, quite obviously, isn’t you anymore — is hardly comforting.

I hate to say it, but it really, really does remind me of one of my favourite romantic comedies. (Not to spoil it for anyone, because it really is worth the watch, but it turns out that men and women are not so easily defined, and men are not always on the constant search for ‘new cow’ — just, watch the film to get the reference.)

So, what Mister P is telling me is that it’s true. After they’ve had us once — just once — and the thrill of the new conquest has abated, a part of them is off and running to the next. Upon just a single sexual encounter, he’s already bored of fucking you.

Charming.

Naturally, I asked him: ‘if there’s no guarantee then, that a man will not just up and fuck up and fulfill his constant need for strange one day, then wouldn’t it make sense that the only way it could be guaranteed is if his woman locks his cock up?’

He blinked for a moment, and then responded (almost hesitantly): ‘ … Yes.’

‘Interesting.’

And there you have it. The battle of the sexes rages on, and the next Podcast episode will be our latest contribution to the eternal war. We haven’t even begun it, and I can already tell you, it’s gonna be one to remember.

By the way … anyone have any suggestions for good, comfortable, solid and reliable chastity devices? I may be in the market for one very soon.

Check back for the next Podcast episode.

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Men Marry Bitches? Oh, REALLY?

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So, my favourite socio-pundit, Blanche Black, is at it again. This time quoting Sherry Argov. You may remember her. She’s the chick who believed so heartily that women love bitches that she wrote a book on it. Zoom. Best-seller. At that point, she realised that love wasn’t enough for the fairer populous. No, no. If that love doesn’t come with a price-tag — typically with diamonds (and don’t get me started on why that in itself is insanity) accompanied by wedding bells, it’s just not bringing it home. Of course, Argov couldn’t stop there, so she presented to the world this past summer her magnum opus: Why Men MARRY Bitches.

Oh, dear, christ. How can I ever hope to express the full extent of my conflict over this?

Because:

A) It’s largely true — and it works.

B) It shouldn’t. It really, really shouldn’t.

See, I’m rather living proof of this, since my mother’s earliest lessons involved manipulating men. I was too young to realise that it was … well, kinda wrong, and that the world didn’t really work that way. (I know. Funny coming from a domme, isn’t it?) The truth is, I don’t believe in either (or any) sex being superior to the other. Both genders have strengths and weaknesses. Really, they fit together quite neatly, once you get past the cosmic joke of all the internal conflict. And even that’s not true in every case. Quite honestly, dominant women and submissive men get on very well in tandem. So long as they both remember to respect and appreciate each other.

But … it doesn’t seal the deal.

Nope.

Sad, that in this day and age, we have to look at tying the knot as a business transaction, but really, isn’t no different from any other sales conversion. You’ve each convinced the other that you’re worth the contractual agreement, because of your fancy advertising or dollars poured into market research, so you sign on the dotted line. It’s true that men don’t marry nice girls. Nope. They marry bitches. They like nice girls. They enjoy nice girls bringing them coffee and sharing their office space. Cleaning up their desk and ensuring that the blinds are open when they come in and closed when they leave. They probably even appreciate those women who take the time and effort to make their lives a little easier, to see that they feel supported, valued, and loved.

But do they seal the deal with a nice women?

Natch. (more…)

About Mistress Roulette

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I am a dominant woman.

I don’t play at it, I don’t simply fantasise about it. I just simply am.

I was the vampyre queene while the other little girls were playing at being faerie princesses. Though I could perform the many arias of Briar Rose to perfection, it was Maleficent’s litany to Prince Phillip on the hopelessness of ‘true love conquering all’ and the delivery of her own power-play that captured my heart. Needless to say, I was always a little bit dark. The many personae in my head as a child, (which led me to believe I was mad before I realised I was actually just a writer) ranged from powerful, dominant women to the seasoned villainness and the experienced seductress. No ingenues, naive faire maidens, or delicate flowers for me. The only princess whom I admired was Leia; I often found myself fantasising about being the one seductress mastermind capable of making even Bond succumb and surrender. (Ridiculously hot kinky sex to follow — and of course, he’d live to fight another day. But his body, his heart, his soul — those would be mine.) But Fleming never made my fantasy come true. Naturally, I never quite gave it up. I kept on writing, kept on dreaming, kept on creating tales of mystery, espionage, suspense, murder, even science-fiction and fantasy — with daring, empowered women and the strong, devoted men who were helplessly under their spell, though powerful in their own right. (more…)

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Switching Perspective

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It started with an otherwise uneventful conversation in the car.

‘You don’t really believe what you wrote in your profile.’ It was abrupt, and my expression completed the portrait of confusion. ‘I don’t?’ I asked him, wondering what had been the impetus for this spontaneous analysis of my profiles on CollarMe and FetLife. ‘You don’t really believe that women are the superior sex, and that all men are secretly submissive.’ He gave me a look. And to a certain degree, we both knew he was right. ‘But where did I say ALL men? And while I’m not a feminist, I don’t deny the argument that every woman has a sense of inner dominance that can be nurtured, just as men are generally denied the opportunity to be submissive.’ Opening the door for me, he shook his head. ‘Yeah, but that’s not what you said.’ I didn’t? Stepping out, I’d made a mental note to give it all a second look as soon as I was able. And for those of you who’ve seen my standard profile, you’ll notice there are a few changes. I feel they were necessary to put forth a more accurate view of who I am, and what I perceive.

How subjectively shaped, are our opinions and perspective, without proper analysis and real-world testing. Being a dominant woman has no doubt drawn many submissive men to me. Are they all? In the heart of every man, is there a little boy begging to submit to a powerful woman? No. Just as there are submissive women, are there dominant men. It has just been my own experience that a large number of the population are submissive. But, again, not everyone, which is why I find the point of clarification worthwhile. All theories need rigorous testing, and every argument a worthy opponent to play devil’s advocate. (more…)

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