Apparently mistress took my last post to heart. She has a big heart and she cares deeply for me. I suppose that’s why we’re so happy together. I’ve been with dommes before who have the level of concern for me that she does, and I am never able to achieve the feelings of appreciation and closeness that I do with her.

At any rate, she delayed the strap-on and abuse scene she had been planning for a couple of days after reading my last post. It seemed she couldn’t bear going through with it knowing how hard it made things for me. So we had a long talk last night, mainly about her repression. She has a dark and sadistic side that is the seat of both her cruelty and her sexuality, but she, like me, keeps it hidden under a deeply rational side that feels a great deal of concern and is easily motivated towards guilt. I expressed to her a few things:

• I was a big boy and more than capable of stopping things if they got too intense to handle.
• That she needed to focus on unleashing her dark energy, passion, and creativity, and allow me the choice to tell her when it got to be too much. That she couldn’t try to play both roles because it seemed overwhelming to her.
• That allowing her darker self off the chain could only bring us closer. It always has in the past because she’s able to show me a side of herself that the world has never seen and its able to bring out a side of me that I am also deeply ashamed of. Together it creates this intense feeling of vulnerability and intimacy, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.
• That after she does allow me to come, the whole ordeal seems to end. Despite whatever intensity and cruelty I seemed subject to prior, that now I felt free and whole again and that there were no lingering angers or causes for fights.
• And, more than anything, that she would never lose the relationship just because her dark side took it too far. This was a real primal fear for her and it seems I can never give her the reassurance she needs. I’m touched by how important this relationship is to her,

After our discussion, she seemed to feel far more free. She said that in the future, she would engage her emotion spur-of-the-moment impulses and that I needed to be ready for that. She followed this by taking me over to the couch, getting both naked, and grinding her pussy against my cock. She briefly toyed with the idea of allowing some penetration, but then seemed to find the right rhythm to allow her to build herself to orgasm. It was a beautiful moment of both release and denial as I watched her get herself off by grinding against my cock. We had to cut if off because I was getting close as well, and she didn’t want that.

Now she says that she’s not making any promises for what’s going to happen next. That she’ll just she how she feels and go from there. I think that’s a better starting point, and I look forward to what the future brings.

Arousal-4, Frustration 4

Tags: Dommes Feeling Guilty, Strap-On During Male Chastity