Roulette and I have discussed this, but, as my period of chastity starts to take hold, I begin to crave abuse. There seem to be two sides to my personality: the first is a rational person who is constantly trying to stay in control; the other is an emotional masochist who craves the kind of emotional abuse that prolonged chastity, tease and denial, and physical pain can bring about.

I had a bad run at poker today. Not terrible, but sometimes it gets frustrating. When I come home from that I want to put it behind me and forget. Combine that with the chastity my Mistress has placed me under and suddenly the abuse gremlin wants out. I find myself wanting to pick a fight so that I can get punished. It’s not that I find any solace in punishment, it’s just that I want an intense experience to take my mind out of where it’s currently at. Or perhaps, a catharsis.

My current frustration is a 3. My arousal is a 3.

Tags: Emotional Masochism