“Hey you, what do you see? Something beautiful, something free? Hey, you, are you trying to be mean?” – Marilyn Manson; ‘The Beautiful People’

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NiteFlirt is an education. But I don’t have time to relay everything, so here are the Cliff notes.

All of these women with lens-flare tits and sparkle-cunts designed to entice men to engage them in phone sex — usually for large amounts of money, though, not always in the category of Financial Domination. Of course, I receive these calls myself at times, being a psychosexual counselor and dominatrix. It never ceases to fascinate me how much time, effort, and cold, hard-earned cash, these guys are willing to blow on these spoiled brats.

Now, being a writer of transgressional fiction, I’m always challenging normatives and established idealogies. I also avoid the good guys versus bad guys cliche; my protagonists tend to be anti-heroes (and heroines) and reformed villains. My actual villains are never so black and white. All characters are shades of grey. But something stood out to me very quickly throughout my earliest investigations into characterisation:

Sexual attraction has no moral compass. None. Zero, zilcho.

This is largely why it’s tough to distinguish the stereotypical idea of a dominatrix from a fictitious villainness. They’re all voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous, powerful, cruel, and hell-bent on destroying the hero. And, okay, I’m far from a psychoanalyst, (read: neo-Freudian) but if the hero’s hot, and the villainness is hot, those two are definitely going to want to be getting it on. Why? Because that’s just the nature of things. It’s very basic social and interpersonal psychological theory: those who are of acceptable (though, that’s variable) age, desired sex and gender, differing bloodlines, and of relative physical attractiveness (especially if the levels of physical desireability are closely in line; just as you tend to see long-term coupling between those who are about as ‘attractive’ as the other) are highly likely to experience sexual attraction to one another.

Of course, there are always other variables involved: circumstance, physical state at the time of meeting (as those who have, for example, just survived a traumatic experience will be more likely to get it on with someone nearby meeting the above criteria) being the two biggest. I recall an anecdote from a psychologist friend of mine for whom I worked as an assistant upon my coming to Los Angeles. This mild-mannered, no-nonsense, understated and serious woman engaged in a spontaneous, impassioned make-out session on an overseas flight with her fellow passenger (whom she’d only known for the past 3 hours) when the plane took a sudden nosedive. The intensity of the moment prompted her to act in impulsive, uncharacteristic ways with this attractive stranger who was quickly becoming a single-serving friend, or acquaintance.

And of course, it’s not going to be anybody, and everybody. But this is the number one reason why we all have villains we love to hate, and, despite our own embarrassment — would love to do a lot more than just hate. In fact, passion is nothing more than an intense expression of emotion, and when the wires get crossed, it can present itself as anger. Rage doesn’t have to have a direct cause to be expressed; it can be a nebulous overall feeling of irritability and distress. As a result, many, many dominants — especially dommes — are really just rageaholics foregoing the necessary therapy to work through those powerful emotions. It’s easier to pick up a whip. It can also be extremely dangerous and lead to destructive and abusive patterns in their lives, and against those they love. Often-times, those submissive men who have suffered through their wrath and unsorted rage and issues of low esteem and fears of abandonment become my clients. Once they’ve had enough, that is. It’s amazing how long they’ll stay.

So, I evaluate these cases carefully, and, knowing what I know, it never really surprises me when each one of their tormentors turns out to be some sort of exceptionally beautiful, sexy, ‘dominant’ woman. Now, I use the term in quotations for a reason, since I hardly find them to be truly dominant women, but spoiled little girls who never grew up, learned their value, or to harness their own power, were able to form a solid sense of self, and, conversely, never had a secure base from which to explore the world, as well-adjusted children enjoy.

If she was neglected or abused, she lived in fear of abandonment or the threat of physical, emotional, or psychological danger; learning to wall herself off, defending against anyone who dared to try and get close, making healthy relationships of her own an impossibility. As a young girl, her playful dominance of the boys in the schoolyard — tying them up and laughing at the ease with which she was able, set the stage for her next and most grand role that she would adopt in junior and high school: the compelling ice queen, now receiving the adoration of her ever growing male entourage that she never did in her earliest years; she already knew it was so simple to subdue and control them. It was a natural form of interaction, and would define her pattern of relating, inciting her to be continually dissatisfied, hopping from one relationship to another or avoiding any sort of commitment altogether. She would tell herself and her girl-friends that she wanted a man who would be a companion, allowing her to express her own vulnerability in a safe space, but only draw to her emotionally-stunted mama’s boys who were either as fearful of commitment as she herself could be, or looking to lose themselves in her identity. None of them ever truly up to the task of winning her heart, loyalty, or trust. So, she continues alone in the midst of a sea of faces she barely knows, remaining in the company of men who devalue, ignore, or even abuse her, as her initial dominant spark has faded to a mild embre of what it once was, beaten down by her own lack of understanding, refusal to introspect, and the neutrality of the world. Lonely, miserable, and living with the certainty that people cannot be trusted, true love is some kind of bullshit faerie-tale fed to us as children, she realises that being a pro-domme will allow her to be the same uncaring, distant figure she now believes herself to be, and make money pretty easily by expressing the anger she’s already amassed through physical violence, verbal, and emotional abuse. And she continues, empty, despairing, nursing her own private wounds, while allowing the entourage to continue, caring for none of them but herself.

I know this pattern, because I was dangerously close to becoming it myself. Without the genuine love, affection, emotional support and firm guidance from my boyfriend who had proven to me years before that he was a good man and a reliable, rather unconditionally selfless friend, (as well as trustworthy and dedicated boyfriend or husband) I probably would’ve continued right on down that path, eventually being consumed by my anger, and becoming the kind of person no one really wants to be around. Especially since I’m not a DD fake-tits bottle-blonde. Again, if you’ve got the looks, you can get away with anything.

There’s another type of domme different from the first. The Spoiled Princess type. (Very different from, we’ll say, The Abuse Survivor type.) She had everything. Adorable just as soon as she popped out, she grew to be a cute kid, a beautiful teen, and is now a gorgeous woman — likely with quite a bit of enhancement. She’s every man’s dream on the outside, and men crave any opportunity to be with her. Submissive men, however, want something more that she’s already got since she went through college on Daddy’s dime, paying for all of her frivelous wants and needs with his plastic. She doesn’t really need the degree, because she won’t need a job. She’s already got men lined up outside of her door to fuck her, pay her bills, offer her places to stay, and, in general, make sure that she never has to face the unsightly thought of growing up and becoming an independent human being. She is spoiled absolutely rotten, through and through. And because of the way she looks can get away with every nauseating minute of it.

Knowing that this is a pretty popular fetish, many professionals have modelled themselves after the Spoiled Princess type, looking as high-school cheerleader-esque and as much of an actual princess (crown and all) as they can muster. And, my God, does it fucking pay. I have a financial domination listing on NiteFlirt because of the pervasiveness of this phenomenon. Occasionally, I’ll get a call and ask why on earth they called my listing, as I genuinely want to know. I have no guilt about my listing, just in case you were wondering. I’m a working woman. I’m not sitting around eating bon-bons when they call. They’re paying me for my time, which is valuable. But a typical call regarding financial domination will go like so:

MR: So, you attract these horrible, emotionally immature, bratty women who use you for your money.

Caller: Oh, yes.

MR: And how are you aware they’re only dating you for your dough?

Caller: They tell me.

MR: They tell you? You ask?

Caller: Yes. I asked my last girlfriend, and she told me it was all for my money.

MR: Wow.

Caller: But it’s not a bad thing.

MR: You are aware that this economy is only going to worsen.

Caller: Yes.

MR: How will you feel about your gorgeous spoiled brat when she’s taken away the roof over your head?

Caller: I save for a rainy day.

MR: This is more of a typhoon.

Caller: But I enjoy it. It arouses me. What’s wrong with that? What’s wrong with it if I enjoy it?

MR: You love the fact that they’re horrible women using you for your money.

Caller: Yes. I love it. That’s how I found financial domination. I’ve been doing it ever since.

MR: How long has it been?

Caller: 15 years.

MR: Jesus christ! Don’t you ever wonder if, I d’know, you might’ve been a millionaire, were you not buying these bitches mansions and cars and dogs?

Caller: I’m sure I would’ve been. But I’ll never know.

MR: Does it not sadden you?

Caller: Oh, no. I love it.

MR: What do you think happened to you to make you believe on some level that you’re only as valuable as your earning potential? You’re like evolutionary psych in overdrive. Why not find a good woman and provide for her in a traditional husband-wife setting if it really puts you so at ease?

Caller: Because I like being used.

MR: Any idea why?

Caller: No.

MR: Don’t you ever wonder?

Caller: Why? I’m happy.

… And there you have it folks. The crux of it: why wonder? He’s happy. He gets arousal, they get bling — at the end of the day, somehow, these two components of a very dysfunctional relationship are happy. This is why human beings confuse the ever-loving fuck out of me, and I have to just tell myself we’re all illogical, and things in the realm of emotion and sex — sexual attraction, especially — are operating on an entirely other level. And that level is far from being a logical one.

As with multiple clients, there will always be those that simply don’t want to be helped, because they don’t see the issue. In the case of financial domination, their accounts are being drained, they can’t fathom why they’re going into debt, and once they do find the source, the addiction is too powerful to touch. They keep doing what they’re doing.

Jesus H. It’s no wonder the American economy is in shambles, central banking shenanigans aside. Keynes would be proud. (Fucking Keynes.) A modern take on his ‘bury bottles of money in the sand so that the government can dig them back up’ will be replacing ‘government’ with ‘spoiled brat’.

I can take some comfort in hoping it fucks up her manicure.

Tags: financial domination, NiteFlirt, psychology of financial domination