Like anything, BDSM has its own terminology, and as such, there are many terms for what it is I am: female dominant, domme, and domina seem to top the list. And, while we aren’t the majority, I have met some wonderful fellow dommes, dominas, and fem-dommes. I’ve also seen plenty similarly identifying for which I find the moniker indeed questionable. So, in a concise manner, I’m going to share my thoughts on this marketing phenomenon; perhaps, even concluding with my assumptions for it being the way it is.

While phone sex lines are perennial, phone domination, or ‘phone dommes’ are very much en vogue at current. Does this mean that there’s increased ease of finding a genuine female dominant or professional dominatrix at the end of the line? I remain sceptical. While there’s a good number of us pro-dommes hanging out on such third party services in our off-hours, (I have an account with NiteFlirt), the bulk of the listings are barely legal bottle-blonde with IQs to match their body weight. Hordes of ‘bratty princesses’ with stereotypical head cheerleader dispositions wear slutty clothes in demeaning poses, with market-ready femdom phrases, but deplorable grammar and not a spell-checker in sight. (It’s ‘dominant’, honey, not ‘dominate’. But don’t worry — you aren’t.) It almost seems a joke with how much these photographs have nothing to do with the femdom-centric phrasing.

And a word on age. I’m a young domme, and I’ve got a decade on these girls. Some individuals have incredible maturity at a younger age. (I did.) However, it’s hardly the standard or norm, and most of these girls couldn’t top their way out of a paper bag. ‘Bratty princesses’ are just that; not dommes. I am what I am. As I say in my profiles on websites, I don’t play at it, and it isn’t something I have to switch in and out of. I keep a tight lid on my sadistic personality — that does take some conscious transitioning; but for the most part, I’m a domme anywhere and everywhere. (Which can be interesting at times.)

If these girls can dom, I’ll eat my hat. (Naturally, first, I’ll have to acquire such headgear — and props if it’s already edible — then I’ll consume it). The youngest pro-domme I’ve met is 25, which is an acceptable age for a domme. I’d still be a bit sceptical of younger than that if it’s not geared toward paying for college. Then they’re in something of a different class, and kudos to them for learning the biz early. I’m quite honest about my skill level, and the fact that I’ve been a lifestyle domme for far longer than I’ve been a pro. Luckily, counselling is something I’ve done for so long, I can hardly recall a time when I wasn’t doing so, but it’s important to advertise truthfully. I can’t say these young women are doing that.

Were they simply being ‘phone actresses’ — okay, but they proclaim to be dommes. There’s a market for just-turned-eighteen, and it’s not domination. (Well, not on the doing end, that’s for sure.) I can imagine plenty of doms salivating at the possibility of slapping that pussy or fucking that ass, (since we’re talking fetish here) but subbie-boys? Really? Okay, there’s no doubt they’re getting turned by the sight of a beautiful young woman, but if part of the fantasy is in this woman taking control then, I have to ask — where is the control-taking? These women are advertising themselves in the sort of manner as would a female submissive — NOT a dominant. Dommes don’t show you their ass. They don’t offer you photographs of their ladybits. They never do something as unbecoming as bending over and presenting themselves to you, and — while we’re at it — they’re really not so ‘gangsta’, either. (What is up with that, anyway? Do they have any idea how ridiculous they look? Do they?)

I know, I’m kinda sounding a bit like a mom, aren’t I? Probably because the ultimate archetype of the female dominant is the mother figure. She’s the one who said what went; justifications for her orders were accepted at ‘because I said so’ and for a good decade and a half of your life, (maybe more) she was the be-all, end-all, final say of everything. And, personally, my mother is a domme. She raised me from a very young age how to be a proper girl in my station, and, more than anything, how to control the boys around me so that they would behave as was proper to their station. Yes, looking back, I realise that my mother’s something of a female supremacist.

Funny, isn’t it? Of course, she doesn’t enforce any of it, or really believe it. It was just a good way to teach her daughter to not be subservient to men in hopes that she wouldn’t suffer unneccessary heartbreak at the whims of assholes and losers. Alas, I’m just as human as the rest of us. It took age for me to truly come to appreciate the beauty and value of a submissive man who’s got his shit together, isn’t looking to be saved, and wants instead to give over that power to you. How amazing is that? Anyhow. Like most women, I kissed my share of definite frogs, and learned the hard way that most doms (not all, but most) were really just complete assholes and looking for a license to be assholes. But take it from me, ladies: the prince you’re looking for is definitely a sub. (Well, that or a switch with enough inner toppiness to be a good, but loving, dom — which no doubt comes from his actually being a submissive.) But in my personal, nigh three decades of life (a good fifteen years of which have involved my seeking to unravel the masculine mystery), I’m not going to say there’s no such possibility, but as far as I’m aware — most male doms are dicks. If you’d like to narrow down the jackass factor, stick with the subs.

Now, I leave the rest of up to you, my sporadic, but appreciative (and valued) audience. Would you, as a submissive man, find such a young, fresh-outta-the-box girl, doing all she knows to attract a man, even the least bit believable as a domme? Could you think for a moment that this young woman is capable of even remotely bringing out your vulnerability? Would she not seem to be exactly what the advertisement says about her? A ‘bratty princess’?

Before you respond, a point of necessary clarification: a domme can take on the persona of a ‘bratty princess’ if she feels like it. Some women enjoy returning to that point of their evolution; kicking back and playing the role of the selfish, overbearing teenager she may once, or possibly even never, have been. It can be just as freeing and liberating for the submissive man who’s seeking to let go differently, (especially if her base personality is more serious and even-keeled. Then it’s a real vacation from the ordinary.) On the other hand, as said before, it doesn’t work in the reverse. If anything, I think the whole situation would work better if they portrayed themselves as ‘bad girls’ in need of punishment by doms — rather than ‘dommes’ themselves.

But what do I know? I’m just a legitimate domme.

So, fellas? What’s the verdict?

Tags: dommes, NiteFlirt, Phone Domination, phone dommes, pretender dommes, submissive men