Two words: Bad time.

We’ve all heard the horror stories of women having gone completely amok due to certain hormonal fluctuations. Yeah. Normal, average, everyday women. Now. Imagine what happens when that woman is a dominatrix.

Yeah.

Like I said before. It’s a bad time. Not for everyone, just the broke motherfuckers who cannot seem to read, and think it’s a good idea (read: bad idea, very, very bad idea) to see if they can play me thereby through playing dumb.

Do not try and play me. Ever. Two reasons, both equally valid: A) I will know, and B) you will lose. Both of these are unsatisfactory outcomes for you. So, for those of you who think this an amusing past-time, consider your options wisely, and act with care.

Now, all of that being said. I’ve decided that a few of these charming little chats could serve as an example to really bring the point home. Without further ado, the first of, I sincerely hope, not many.

<Guest1> hello

<MaitresseRoulette> Hello.

<Guest1> u busy?

First things first. I hate netspeak. If you contact me not even bothering to do it correctly, then we’re already off to a bad start. It wouldn’t kill someone to use punctuation, capitalisation, and proper grammar. I know; I do it all the time.

<MaitresseRoulette> Yes. www.mistressroulette.com

<Guest1> do you like sub men Mistress?

<MaitresseRoulette> I’m a Domina, aren’t I? Have you read my profile? If not, I suggest you do.

<Guest1> just reading it now

<Guest1> wow

<Guest1> your stunning

<MaitresseRoulette> Thank you.

<Guest1> just looking at your web site

‘Looking at’ being the operative phrase. ‘Reading’ apparently didn’t figure anywhere into this.

<Guest1> cant see if you like forcing sub straight men into bi

<MaitresseRoulette> Sure it can be fun.

<Guest1> have you ever done it for real?

<MaitresseRoulette> Specify what you mean ‘for real’ ?

<Guest1> have you made a straight guy have forced bi in real life?

<MaitresseRoulette> In my professional work. But, really, everything’s consensual. You know that.

<Guest1> ok..ever made him 69 another guy aswell?

<MaitresseRoulette> Yep. Why not?

<Guest1> wow..have you?

<MaitresseRoulette> You know, it’s really important to remember the consensual part. Why are you asking me?

‘Why are you asking me?’ is code for ‘I’m onto you, motherfucker.’ Be aware of this.

<Guest1> if u made me 69 another guy would you have me on top or on the botttom in the 69

Oh, boy. What’d I tell ya?

<Guest1> just curious

That would be their code for ‘I’d like to unwittingly include you in my broke motherfucker masturbatory fantasies.’

<MaitresseRoulette> Depends. Are you in L.A.?

<Guest1> no..why?

<MaitresseRoulette> I am. So, looks like this is a rather pointless conversation, huh? Unless you want online domination.

<Guest1> would you do online humiliation with me?

This is, of course, assuming that he knows I’m a professional. And isn’t playing games. Alas.

<MaitresseRoulette> Sure. For how long would you like it?

I’m ready to get down to business. Bring it!

<Guest1> what did t depend on please Mistressn the 69?

What the fuck, asshole? ENGLISH.

<MaitresseRoulette> I speak English. Not gibberish. Let’s try that again. 15min, 30min, an hour, what?

<Guest1> 15 mins

<MaitresseRoulette> Okay. Do you use Paypal?

<Guest1> what have you got in mind for me please?

Again, uh, oh — broke motherfucker alert! All hands on deck!

<Guest1> if i came to visit you, what would u make me do please for for ed bi?

I repeat.

<MaitresseRoulette> ENGLISH! Again, why are you asking? And don’t tell me you’re ‘just curious’ again.

<Guest1> just curious

MaitresseRoulette is approaching meltdown.

<MaitresseRoulette> You and I BOTH know that’s bullshit.

<MaitresseRoulette> Look pal, I’m a professional. If you want to get off, go read my Free Porn. Hence, it’s ‘free’. I’m not.

<MaitresseRoulette> If you PM me again, and aren’t seeking my services, I’ll report you to the ChanOp.

<MaitresseRoulette> It’s ALL there on my website.

<Guest1> sorry i didnt know i had to pay ..sorry

R-i-i-i-ight.

<MaitresseRoulette> Because you didn’t READ, did you? READ! READ! LEARN TO READ, ASSHOLE!

<MaitresseRoulette> Jesus!

<Guest1> ok

<MaitresseRoulette> Thank you. Good day.

<MaitresseRoulette> Fuck, you people drive me INSANE.

<Guest1> lol..sorry

LOL … ? L-O-FUCKING-L? This does not bode well for the individual at the other end of this conversation.

MaitresseRoulette is now officially beyond meltdown. Congratulations, fuckwad. Enjoy the fireworks.

<MaitresseRoulette> Oh, so you think wasting my time is funny? Is it not all plainly there on my website? Why the fuck do you think I HAVE one?

<Guest1> ok..sorry

<MaitresseRoulette> How could you NOT know I’m professional? And knowing that, WHY would you try to get me to do something for you for free?

<MaitresseRoulette> What, do you think you’re special?

<Guest1> how many more times do i have to say sorry

<MaitresseRoulette> Three.

Should’ve said 13. Or 300. Ah, well. It was still fun.

<MaitresseRoulette> Then I think we’re even.

<Guest1> sorry

<Guest1> sorry

<Guest1> sorry

<Guest1> ok?

<MaitresseRoulette> Good. Go.

<Guest1> bloody hell

<MaitresseRoulette> Dude, you’re the one who CAN’T FUCKING READ!

And there we have it.

Tags: Dealing with Broke Motherfuckers