21 March 2009

Every now and again, we meet certain people who influence our lives in unexpected ways. For whatever reason, good or ill, they leave a mark. Sometimes it a shallow cut, a deep abrasion, a gentle and reassuring squeeze, a meaningful kiss or an indelible scar. Since this time last year, I’ve experienced a bit of them all; and, it’s hardly surprising — I continue to. That’s life. That’s being human.

Yesterday, I encountered a disappointment. A shallow cut, we’ll say, though, it came at a time when it felt more abrasive than that. I was losing heart. The economy is in shambles and only getting worse as the US Government continues to make bold moves of greater and more stupendous stupidity; friends have been laid off left and right from jobs they once believed to be secure, and everyone around me is in a bit of a mess struggling to make ends meet and simply survive at this point. And speaking of friends, there’s nothing like the Domina sisterhood. We thrive on this sort of thing; sharing our thoughts, experiences, and just in general, what it’s like being a Dominant woman. It can get very lonely for those of us that truly are.

I thought I’d found a group of like-minded souls who were relatively aligned with my own purpose and resonated to similar psychology. And by this, I mean I’d been a frequent visitor to the collarme.com IRC server channel #subs_for_Dommes. First things first, though. These women don’t exactly make themselves clear, and for all the ‘authority’ they’re asserting, it really seems more like, as headslave (my boyfriend and personal slave) will tell you: ‘only losers tyrannically defend their minuscule turf.’

Indeed.

But, as the late Lewis Carroll oft-said: let’s begin at the beginning, work our way to the middle, and when we come to the end — stop.

Not to say the channel reeks of nothing but hypocrisy and tyranny. In fact, there are some truly lovely people there for genuine conversation and friendship. I thought myself to be among them; they did, too, considering I was suddenly granted Operator (for those not savvy in the world of Internet Relay Chat, one who is given special permissions in a channel. You’re not a channel owner — the biggest Kahuna — but you aren’t just small fish anymore, either. They had multiple levels, and in terms of the channel, Operator was the highest one can achieve.) So, it was something of an honour. I’d done nothing but offer my honest friendship, and enjoy conversation in the channel to wind up with the privilege of being added to the O-line. (Which, as it sounds, grants Operator status in a form of succession. When the user matching that nickname and IP address logs on and joins the channel, it makes them an Operator.) The height of ridiculousness, really, is how I then, in less than 12 hours, was kicked and banned from the channel — yes, having priorly been awarded so highly.

In a nutshell, these people (being the channel’s owners) are somewhat dishonest, and probably lead very unfulfilled lives as incomplete human beings. They likely need the channel to bolster their self-esteem and buffer any negativity which threatens to knock them from their self-proclaimed pedestals. From a therapist’s point of view, they likely suffer from depression, anxiety, had a rough time fitting in as kids, and seek to create an atmosphere of fantasy in which they are superior to those around them. This is different from a genuine Dominant: who needs no affirmation, is appreciative of those who pay him or her due respect and returns it in kind, (that’s just good manners) and wishes not to impose his or her will upon others unjustly, seeks to teach and not boast, guide and not detest the lesser-skilled, and above all, value the gifts of submission offered them by those so craving it, and the friendship and camaraderie of fellow Dominants.

Sadly, I can say none of that is true of the channel owners of #subs_for_Dommes on Collar Me. I am not the only one who has been cruelly or foolishly cast out as a result of their own delusional constructs. They seem to enjoy leading by a sort of strange, warped example. Their rules are unnecessarily strict for what is supposed to be a relaxed environment, and all who venture there are warned to tread lightly. Once false move, (and, I do mean false; it doesn’t matter if you’re guilty of their accusations or not) and you’re outta there. In my case, someone had very innocently inquired regarding what a professional Domme does, and wondered if there were any there on channel. Again, I’m not one to lie. I find it has no merit, and is an overall worthless overcomplication of something designed to be simply. So, of course, I offered the truth; ‘Yes. I am a professional. What would you like to know?’ It went from there. We had an enjoyable conversation, as I explained how Domination was different from the sex trade, especially depending upon the limits and preferences of the Domme. (Some are willing to engage in actual sex play during in-person sessioning, but many, including myself, are not.)

Next thing you know, out come the bots, and one of the other Operators, choosing to go by Ice, has taken it upon herself to begin publicly warning, reprimanding, and explaining to me that solicitation is absolutely not allowed, and, by the way, professionals can’t be Operators. Her explanation? ‘It’s just the rules.’ Now, I don’t like ‘just because’ or ‘because, I said so’ types of answers. They annoyed me as a child, and as an adult, even more so. I kept pressing. ‘Just the rules? There’s no reason for it?’ She’s growing irritated with me now. ‘It’s just the owners rules. I don’t know and I don’t care.’  Okay, now, ‘I don’t know’ is acceptable to me. At the very least, you’re being honest and trying. But ‘I don’t care?’ While it may be honestly, that just pisses me off, and quite frankly, as me asking of myself: what kind of a bloody moron are you? I mean, really. You call yourself a ‘Dominant woman’ and yet, someone gives you a stupid, senseless rule, and you take it as law? You don’t even think to ask what the parametres are, or why it’s been created as such? Some ‘Dominant’, indeed, Ice. And really, up to this point, I’d really not had the displeasure of encountering that many false Dommes or subs. Now, I’ve met a few.

Finally, I let the subject drop. I’m frankly tired of it, and involved in other things. She suggests I take the matter up with the owners, as neither of us have any clue who added me to the O-line, and I shot down her weak excuse of ‘they obviously didn’t know you were a professional’ since I’d made it abundantly clear to anyone with which I spoke that I’m a professional. I’ve nothing to hide. So, after agreeing to disagree, I consider contacting one of the owners at a later time and discussing it; but now, I’m enjoying conversation and working on my website. But I spoke too soon. A good two hours or so later, after I’m just now starting to finally come off of my fury at all of this utterly ridiculous bullshit — since I was initially on a short fuse; I receive this charming piece of careful Tcl construction (that’s an IRC-bot programming language):

MistressRoulette, I’m told that you have been soliciting. I don’t care if you in fact have or have NOT been doing so but I’m WARNING you that it will NOT continue in the future. Your welcome.

Again, some things to know about me; I am a Dominant woman. She would have skated by just fine, had her little ego-boosting macro had been open-ended, leaving room for doubt, and the possibility that we’d all still be friends afterward. Silly misunderstanding — ha, ha, ha. Ohh, no. She couldn’t leave it there. No, she had to include that she did not care whether or not it was even a false accusation. All right, in fairness, for someone who has no idea the sort of responsibility operating a channel with dozens of users can be, it would seem idiotic to figure that she’d have time to respond to each and every alleged offence personally, and thus, the macro makes sense. I have operated a channel before. I do know the work and time involved. I’m not angry she macro’d me. I’m sure she’s dealt with this situation. I’m angry that her response to my response was to kick me from the channel, and ban me from returning.

True, I did tell her to ask Ice. I did explain that she had referred me to contact the owner, (Teresa), and I did express that I was busy at the moment, didn’t appreciate being PM’ed without my permission (see, that’s breaking one of their silly little rules for which the consequences are so grave) and I especially didn’t like false accusation. But I did thank her, nonetheless. Y’know. In that way you do when you’re about ready to come through your computer screen and beat someone to a bloody pulp.

And, her response was kicking and banning. Thanks, Teresa. ‘Cause, baby, this is for you. Now, I know little of you outside of your actions, but really, that behaviour alone brings you maturity severely into question, and causes one to wonder if you’re so desperately unhappy with your life that this is all you’ve got. Really, if that’s truly the case, I’m not really angry with you; I simply have pity. You can’t help it if you’re a cunt. I wish you the best all the same. (Did I mention I also cannot stomach poor spelling or incorrect grammar? ‘You’re.’ It’s a contraction, Teresa. Two words. Truncated. ‘You’ and ‘Are’. The first letter of the second word in the phrase is always dropped in place of the apostrophe. In this case, the ‘A’. ‘You’re.’ Buy a dictionary. Then use it.)

Incidentally, Soubrette, Spy, Denise, Siren, BG et al — you were all wonderful, and I enjoyed chatting with you immensely. Don’t ever change.

Now, I’m on #male-submission and perusing #Torture-Palace. They’re interesting. In one of them, I actually met who very well may be the epitome of the perfect client. Really, and truly. I wasn’t looking for him, and I’m not even sure if he was looking for me. But we found each other, and I’m excited to get to work!

I was going to blog lengthily about that, too, but a bit of complimentary sex therapy (only requirement is, you’ve got to be one of my dearest friends of a decade or more, and it never hurts to be an ex-boyfriend. Don’t qualify? Well, damn. There’s always my Domination Therapy … ) and only three hours of sleep is sending this Dominatrix back to Dreamland.

Dedicatedly Dodging Damaging Deviancy,

Roulette, Your Most ‘Mental’ Mistress

Tags: Clientele, collarme.com, Fake Dominants, Ice, IRC Tyranny, Ranting and Venting, subs_for_Dommes, Teresa